Well, Internet is out here, we got about 2 feet of snow today. So I thought that I would write a blog to waste some of my free time. I finally have made it back home from Anchorage as of Saturday night. The trip was great, we learned many great things that we can do within our communities and with youth. I will definately being using a lot of the things that I learned in the future with my AmeriCorps postion.

Then Today, Monday, I started my first day of volunteer work. It was pretty simple for the day since it was my first day, and well, this first week will be mostly figuring out what all I need to do and how to go about doing. Pretty soon all of those great ideas will be falling together. One of the main things that I think I will be doing, is getting together a recycling program, helping out with science classes, and gardening.

Other than just AmeriCorps my life has been going pretty good. It seems like Mike and I’s relationship is going great. He bought me some beautiful flowers while I was in Anchorage which I think that I already told you about in the previous blog. Now I think I am going to buy me a wii. I just have to decide which package would be the right one for me.

Well, anyways, off to wait for the internet to start back up:( I hate not having internet. Ill get back to you on how well the AmeriCorps position is going, and how life in general is going.

So…. As you all probably know right now I am sitting in Anchorage at the Millenium Hotel, becuase I am at AmeriCorps training for the week. Yesterday, Sunday, I flew up here to Anchorage. Which was a long day. It started out at 5 in the morning driving over to the ferry. Then I went to Ketchikan, walked over to the airport, and then sat there for like 5 hours. Then I flew out of Ketchikan, and was on a plane for five hours. Then finally landed here in Anchorage where I was brought to my hotel. So as you can probably tell that was a long long long boring day.

Then after my long trip here on Sunday, I went to bed. Only to have to wake up at 6:00 this morning to head off to breakfast. Breakfast is 6:30 to 8 every morning:) Then we did some ice breaks with the group of like 38 people, so we could possibly get to know each other. lol. However, out of all those people, I remember very few.
Eddie, Shelby, Donna, Amy, Ami, Rob, Skip, and well that is about it… Lol.
I also knew Liz, Heidi, and Charlie but that doesnt really count becuase I already kind of knew them.
Anyways, then after all of that we went on with a boring day of training. Where we learned about methamphetimines. Which I actually kinda found semi interesting. If it wasnt for me already knowing all the information that was presented. As a few years back I worked with a Methamphetamine Prevention Coalition. But the program lost its funding. Maybe this is something that I could get started back with this whole AmeriCorps program. Huh. Never really thought about that.

Then we learned how to fill out our paperwork. Yah I know boring.

Then. It was to the food bank where we spent from 2:30-5 working sorting out foods. Which was actually really interesting, becuase when I walked in my teacher from highschool who now teaches at the North Pole was there. I was like wow! I haven’t seen her since I graduated from highschool which was like almost 3 years ago. Wow. Time Flies. Anyways, so we talked a lot as you would imagine, of course she wanted to know how her old student and old students were doing and whatnot. So that was fun! I was very excited!

And now…. Well I am just sitting here in the hotel wishing i had someone to talk to… Feel free to add me to messanger…… sabrinaclair@hotmail.com or the_alaskan_angel@yahoo.com or SAMB1208 for Aim or I also have MyspaceIM. So feel free to contact me. Also you can text me at 503-580-7717

Oh yeah and I also decided after a day of being here. That I do not at any point wish to live in Anchorage, Alaska. Smile. Just thought that I would make a note of that. Hope you all are having a good week.

My sister sent this to me and I thought it was good, how stupid does someone have to be?
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy
who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary
submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol & Pawn
Shop that sparked my interest.. The occasion was our 15th anniversary
and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The
effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term
adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat
to safety….??
WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
Nothing! I was disappointed.
I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it
> against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arc of
> electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
> AWESOME!!!
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that
> burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to
myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A
batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on
intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions
and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &
blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of
a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.
But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect
herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work
as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my
reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,
directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and
disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst
would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish
out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting
the batteries .
All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about
5′ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and
(loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, ‘no
possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my
best…?
I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head
cocked to one side as to say, ‘don’t do it dipshit,’ reasoning that a
one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn’t hurt all
that bad.
I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of
it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and .
.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT
THE HELL!!!
I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,
picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet,
over and over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire,
testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body
in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in
an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over
the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a taser,
one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst
when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged
from yo ur hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three
second burst would be considered conservative?
SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a
relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had
left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head
which I believe came from my hair.
I’m still looking for my nuts and I’m offering a significant
reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with
it!
‘If you think Education is difficult, try being
stupid.’

Here I am stuck in a world I hate and don’t want to be in. I can’t do anything without getting yelled at and I can’t do nothing to prevent getting yelled at. Whether it’s my fault or not I am the one to blame. Why? I don’t know.
It’s just the way things always are with my family. What was I thinking coming back here, instead of staying with friends that loved me. What was I thinking taking this AmeriCorps position that causes me to have to spend a whole other year here. Maybe it was the fact that I thought we were going to be able to move out of my parents house, or maybe it was the fact that I needed a job and something to do.
But now I am here stuck with someone who yells at me for every little thing that doesnt go his way, and I don’t know what to do about it besides get depressed about it. Oh well. I guess its life.
We’ll see what happens I guess. Maybe things will get better. Anyways, I do have a little bit of work to do before I get the Americorps position up and started. I am going to be working at the school on Thursday of this week, and it appears half of next week. Plus I start college classes this coming week which will be good hopefully that goes good anyways. As for last term I looked at my grades, and I am already doing relatively better than what I was doing at WOU with classes. So that is great. Anyways, hope the beginning of your guy’s year has caught you in a better situation than that of mine. With everything that has to do with life in general.

Well, My parents MIke and I are all on the ferry on our way home. I would love to say that I am completely excited about being home. However, that in fact is not the case. I mean don’t get me wrong I love being at home in Alaska with family and everyone, but theres the downfalls too. Like Mike not being happy there. No one my age living there, and etc. I guess I can live with that though.
Anyways, we should all be home Monday night. To what sounds like 5 or more feet of snow as long as it don’t warm up before we get there, which well would be completely disastrous end to this vacation as I hate driving on ice. Anyways, hope you all had a good new years filled with a lot of fun adventures. As for Mike and I’s relationship. Hopefully it works out, but for some reason I think he is going to end up leaving and going back to Oregon to live with George. Its just the vibe that I get.

Well, it appears that Michael has decided to head home with me. I am very glad about this but yet, kind of sad. It seems as if hes only doing it to keep me from getting upset, and to keep from hurting my nephews feeling. I only hope that he is doing this for the right reasons. Anyways, this is all that I have time to write as of right now. Hope you all have a great New Years!

Well, I suppose by now ya all are wondering how my vacation to Montana and to Coos Bay has went. Me myself am not sure. It seems as if, life just isn’t right. In the first place I didnt really want to go to Montana when it was time to go. It seemed as if it just wasnt the right thing to do, because of some of the previous incidents with Michael. However, putting aside everything that happened I packed up my bags and headed off to Montana. After a long day of traveling, and being stuck at the Seattle airport we arrived in Kalispell, MT. It was frigid, yeah, thats what the news said. It is frigid today you are advised to stay inside, and dress warm. First time I have ever heard that on the news. But at this point it was like 4 in the morning so all we wanted to do was sleep…..

However, things never worked as planned we all know that…….

So, here comes the next event of our trip……

Here I am in Montana with Michael, laying on Mikes sister Amanda’s living room floor ready to fall asleep. And apparently Michael has something he wants to talk to me about. He didnt buy a plane ticket home. Yep you got that right. He was not planning to come back to Alaska with me. So, at the point of him telling me this I am just ready to leave, but well there is no way to get out of there. I’m stuck. And Mike has decided after 5 minutes at his parents house that well, this just isn’t going to work out. I can’t stay here he said. So, we looked at some plane tickets, and I ended buying Mike a plane ticket back to Coos Bay, and changed my flight to the next day.
Now here we are in Coos Bay, for awhile everything went great, we got along, were honest with each other for probably the first time in our relationship. However, I found out some things that slightly ruined the idea of us staying in a relationship. The biggest thing is that my cousin recently had a baby. Me myself has always wanted kids. And come to find out Mike doesnt think he wants kids, and doesnt know if he wants to get married. So imagine how this breaks my heart. I didnt know how to respond and honestly still dont.

Then…..

Not only does this happen but I even begin to learn more things about Mike, his past, his present, and just him overall that are bubbling inside me, my mind, and I just dont know how to feel about them or what I should do. I mean I am not saying I’m perfect, but the main thing in my mind right now is how someone can be so deceiving, untruthful, and yet act like they love you more than anyone in the world. I love the guy. I honestly do, but how should I feel? What should I do? He needs some things that alaska really can’t offer him, and well, he really hates alaska. What do I do let him go, and allow the situation to break my heart? or tell him that I truly still love him, and I can’t stand for him to stay behind. Anyways, I think this is all the information I can offer you on the situation. Point being… As of Sunday, December 28th, 2008 I do not know if Mike will be coming back to the state of Alaska with me.

I am truly hurt by this simple fact……

I will keep you updated on my situation as well as Mike’s and the information that he will allow me to share with you all.

However on the bright side I have gotten the job with Americorps and am greatly happy about the whole situation. I just need to get some paperwork faxed and mailed off and the beginning process of that job will be done. I will also keep you updated in this situation.